November 19, 2012

All I want for Christmas is (regular) sleep...

Very seldom can someone claim to know why God does what God does.


I am almost 100% positive that I know exactly why God gave us the ability to have children when we are young and carefree rather than when are much older and wiser...

Because children age us.

And make us so TIRED.

I know that I was never this tired with Rachel. Ever.

When Rachel was a baby I don't believe that I would have ever thought of, much less condoned, setting up a picnic table in front of the TV. And then to do it for more than one meal in a row?! Gasp...No!

And I feel like I would have always found the energy to put laundry away every week. I have had a basket of clean, unfolded, children's clothes setting in the dining room for so long that Jake seemed almost shocked to learn that he had to go upstairs to get an outfit for Ryan this morning.

And poor Rachel. Three times this weekend (three times, I kid you not) she asked me if I have another baby in my tummy whenever she saw me slumped over on the couch. Apparently she remembers, quite vividly, how tired I was during my pregnancy and now associates my sheer exhaustion with having a baby in my tummy. I asked her once if I look like I have a baby in my tummy and was relieved when she said no.

She must know that it has been almost a year since full nights of sleep were the norm for her mother.

Every night before I go to bed I call out to God, sometimes in tears, asking him to please let us all sleep through the night. I beg him to miraculously keep Ryan's tummy full until at least 5:30 AM...and to keep the array of noises that both children make in their sleep to a dull roar so their racket cannot be heard over the baby monitor. I would turn the thing off except that I still wouldn't be able to sleep because I would just lie awake in fear...fear of missing something important.


Jake and I always kid with each other that we need a vacation but this past weekend we talked about it like it wasn't a joke anymore. I read a blog not to long ago about a woman who left her newborn home with a sitter to take a much needed vacation. The poor lady was attacked by other mothers and accused of being selfish and a bad mother. To that woman I say....

Who was your travel agent and how might I get in contact with her?


  1. It's so hard at this stage isn't it! We will get sleep again some day! I just keep saying it over and over until I start to believe it. :-)

  2. Oh, honey! I hear you! I hope you get some rest and a vacation! *hugs*