March 29, 2012

I want super powers...

So it has begun; that stage of my pregnancy when I lose all ability to protect myself from myself.

When I was still in the early months of pregnancy with Rachel I once read that pregnant women tend to drop things, lose their balance, and just become more clumsy in general. That terrified me because I'm already like that almost every single day of my life. Why must pregnancy make it worse? Well, my book was correct then and it still is today.

While pregnant with Rachel I broke a toe, sliced my leg open on a tin can, and often found myself trying to bend over to pick up random things that I had just...let go of.

Pregnant women have a ridiculously heightened sense of smell. Wouldn't it be great if we could carry that "good fortune" over to other aspects of our lives and possess super powers? Like, instead of being known for dropping things (which, by the way is really not fair for those of us who are already having trouble with the whole bending over thing), we would have super-human strength? Or the ability to Velcro a basket of laundry to our side when we need an extra hand?

Or, wouldn't it be grand if we could cook a whole meal using just our mind and a picture of what we want the finished product to look like? And, instead of having trouble taking deep breaths during those last few months when baby is sitting on our lungs we could breathe light on a locked door handle and see exactly where to put the key?

I know...the best super power would be the ability to design our own clothes. I went shopping the other day for a nice dress and was a bit shocked when I discovered that, at more than one store, my only options included wrap-around dresses, short above-the-knee dresses, or long dresses clad in horizontal stripes. HORIZONTAL STRIPES! Seriously? I would like to find the idiot who thought that was a good idea and put them in horizontal stripes when their belly covers their view of their own two feet.

But alas...we have no super powers. Except that we can move all of our organs into one area of our body, grow another human in that space previously housed by that which keeps us alive, and then push said human out of a hole previously reserved for something the size of a tampon.

I would like to see Super Man try that one.

March 19, 2012

Music to my ears...

Today my doctor told me the most fabulous thing:

Doctor: What is your due date? September 11?
Me: Yep.
Doctor: The ultrasound technician suggested that we move it to September 5 and I tend to agree with her.
Me: Okay!

When you're almost 9 months pregnant, 6 days is a pretty big deal.

Bring on Labor Day!

March 14, 2012

Update one...

I have been just awful at keeping up with my blog lately. I could list about a million excuses for this but really, honestly...I just haven't had anything very exciting to write about.

I haven't taken any new pictures of Rachel to post; the weather, although beautiful lately, really doesn't interest me; and I haven't had any come to Jesus moments or flashes of brilliance that are worth sharing.

I guess I could provide a few updates on how my progress with the little one is going...

1. I am now at that stage where I can no longer suck in my "gut", which means I look fat. Not pregnant... just fat.

2. Although I am no longer sporting the "I'm going to throw-up" look all day I still feel queasy in the afternoons and evenings.

3. I did laundry yesterday. I don't think you quite understand the significance of this accomplishment. Have you any idea how much dirty laundry can pile up if you don't do it for 15 days? It's insane. I'm very proud of the fact that not only did I remember that I needed to do laundry but that I even had enough ambition to start the job...and I finished two whole loads in one night!

4. I have learned to quit fighting the urge. It's just not worth trying to sleep through the pain of an ever-expanding bladder.

5. Every night before I put Rachel to bed I brush her teeth (okay, maybe not every night... I'm not that perfect). Before I can brush her teeth we have this whole routine we have to go through where she asks to see everyone's toothbrush. So, I show her mommy's toothbrush, daddy's toothbrush, and Rachel's toothbrush. And then we brush her teeth and start the whole process over again as we put everything away. The other night she asked to see the baby's toothbrush and was rather disappointed to learn that the baby doesn't have or need a toothbrush just yet.

6. Here's some news you can use- my body has decided that after three weeks of producing copious amounts of snot it has finally grown tired of such ridiculousness. How wonderful it is to not have to carry Kleenexes with me at all times!

7. This morning I dropped my favorite pen on the floor. I contemplated just leaving it there but realized that I couldn't live in a world without it. As I bent down to pick it up I was unable, for the first time, to stifle a groan. So, I guess I'm at that point already.

8. I believe that it is time to purchase new shoes. I can no longer walk around in heals and pretend that my back and hips are okay with this rather boneheaded decision.

9. A friend asked if we have started talking about names yet. At first the question seemed odd to me; it seems too early to be thinking about such things. But then I freaked out because I realized that up until that point the thought of having to come up with another name that Jake and I will both agree on had not even crossed my mind. And then I felt like an idiot for forgetting that part of being a parent is naming your child.

10. Holy cow...was that a flutter I just felt?!

March 7, 2012

The 10 commandments...

The 10 Commandments (God's version)
From: Exodus 20:3-17

1.You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.

2.You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

3.Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.

4.Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

5.Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

6.You shall not murder.

7.You shall not commit adultery.

8.You shall not steal.

9.You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

10.You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

The 10 Commandments For Pregnant Women
From: Angie's Words of Wisdom (sort of)

1. Your due date is only a figment of your imagination. Pray for an early delivery, plan for a surprise in the middle of the night, and find a doctor who won't let you go more than 1 week late.

2. Don't name your kid anything stupid. Remember, they have to live with that name for the rest of their life.

3. Contrary to pre-pregnancy beliefs, evenings and weekends can be set aside completely for sleeping.

4. For 9 months you suffered through morning sickness, swollen body parts, and elbows in your ribs; take time to actually enjoy your maternity leave. Don't give yourself long to-do lists or set lofty goals. Just enjoy the time at home with your new baby before the craziness of short nights and long days at work begins.

5. Thank your mother (and father) every single day for bringing you into this world. It wasn't as much fun as the movies would have you believe.

6. You shall not murder.

7. Don't fall in love with pickles and/or ice cream and/or french fries.

8. Extra pads, formula, and diapers given to you by the hospital are take-home items. Toilet paper rolls from the bathroom, extra fluffy hospital pillows, and hospital-provided newborn blankets are not take-home items (we've all done it).

9. Don't try to fit into those zipper jeans before you leave the hospital. You're not fooling anyone.

10. Yes, the baby items you begged, borrowed, and purchased at reduced prices are just as good for your baby as your friend's brand new thousand-dollar travel system.