Isaiah 40:11...

Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

I first heard this verse when I was pregnant with Rachel and it now hangs in my childrens' bedroom as a reminder to our entire family of the promise that God has for us...that he is with us and will tend to our needs.

But, the part that almost always makes me cry is the last line...."He gently leads those that have young." Yep, I'm pretty sure that part was added in there just for me. Because the Lord knows that raising children is hard, taking care of newborns is even harder, and being a good parent takes the grace and guidance that only God can provide. Can you imagine how terrifying it would be to try to care for a child without His loving arms around you? The thought makes me shutter.

Last night I prayed a different prayer before I went to sleep. Instead of thanking God for all of the blessings that he has given us and blah blah blah I cut right to the point and said, "God, I can't do this without your support. If you think I'm going to survive another night of getting up every 60-90 minutes you're crazy. I need some sleep God! I need some rest! I need to know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Please show me that eventually my child will sleep through the night."

And you know what? He did.
Ryan slept from midnight until 4:15 AM, which means that I did too. I woke up from a dream covered in drool and unable to determine my exact location. Now that is good sleep!

Thank you God!

I have no idea what Ryan's sleep schedule will be like tonight, but it's Jake's turn to be up with him so I suggest that he too pray like he has never prayed before. 

I'll be upstairs....asleep in our bed.

Q and A...

Question: What do you do with a seven-week old newborn, that should technically only be one week old, who eats every 60-90 minutes, still gives you that creepy newborn stare, has yet to sleep in anything bigger than a car seat, and spits up a lot?

Answer: Do your best to love him as much as you can; give him lots of kisses; and keep plenty of stain remover on hand. If that doesn't work add lots of prayer....and maybe some extra tears of frustration.

Oh, and also.....what is the least amount of pictures I can take before I'm considered a horrible mother? I haven't taken any in awhile because, well, a sleeping newborn can only be photographed in a certain number of positions before all of the pictures pretty much look the same. Besides, Ryan looks so much like Rachel that I figure we can just look at her newborn pictures if we need a reminder of what he looked like....just kidding.

Here's to the next five weeks! May they be full of fun stuff that should have happened last month.

This too shall pass...

Repeat this with me.....

"The days are long but the years are short"

Now, where was I?

Oh yes, I was just about to complain about how tired I am and how I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to make it pass the, "I have a newborn, which explains my blank stare" stage.

It saddens me to see how long it has been since I last found time to write on my blog. Where has my time gone? I'll tell you where it has gone....to the bottom of a trash can full of dirty diapers and expensive formula containers.

I love Ryan very much and even though he has been with us for less than two months I cannot imagine life without him anymore. I look back over the summer and wonder where it went, when I ever found time to complain about the heat, and how I survived the month of August.

And then....

The screams of a newborn jerk me back into reality and I am reminded that it will be a very long time before my days (and nights) are no longer consumed with feedings and all of the other struggles a new mom faces.

There are days (and nights) where I find myself feeling like an absolutely horrible mother. Would a good mother tell their newborn miracle that they need a break from them? Probably not. Don't get me wrong, I feel blessed to be able to spend time with Ryan but on days (and nights) that he requires a bottle every 60-90 minutes I begin to feel a bit trapped. My entire life revolves around bottles and diapers and hot water and swaddle blankets. Some days I'm not sure if I'm really living or just surviving.

Lack of time is only part of the reason why I haven't written on my blog very much lately. I also haven't been writing because I'm not sure what to write about. I'm tired and feeling almost completely drained of energy and creativity. And besides, if I was perfectly honest with my feelings I would probably come across as sounding like a horrible monster or someone who doesn't deserve the perfect little boy that God has given us.

But the truth is.... I love Ryan and I have to remind myself that this period too shall pass. Hopefully, before I know it I'll be sleeping through the night, cutting up fish sticks for two children, and looking back on these days as fond memories. The fears and frustrations and post-partum baby blues will eventually be specks in my rear view mirror.

And so, until his little tummy gets a bit bigger I will continue to feed Ryan every 60-90 minutes and try not to fret if my house is dirty and my laundry isn't done. And, I will try to find joy in each day, even if I haven't managed to change out of my pajamas before 2:00. Because after all, this has to end at some point, right? Eventually my son will sleep through the night and my daughter will be potty trained, correct? And, I will miss the time I had at home this fall.

If not....

Then this frazzled mom is going to turn into a true crazy lady. After all, I already have the cats and the nasty dirty hair.