Repeat this with me.....
"The days are long but the years are short"
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, I was just about to complain about how tired I am and how I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to make it pass the, "I have a newborn, which explains my blank stare" stage.
It saddens me to see how long it has been since I last found time to write on my blog. Where has my time gone? I'll tell you where it has gone....to the bottom of a trash can full of dirty diapers and expensive formula containers.
I love Ryan very much and even though he has been with us for less than two months I cannot imagine life without him anymore. I look back over the summer and wonder where it went, when I ever found time to complain about the heat, and how I survived the month of August.
The screams of a newborn jerk me back into reality and I am reminded that it will be a very long time before my days (and nights) are no longer consumed with feedings and all of the other struggles a new mom faces.
There are days (and nights) where I find myself feeling like an absolutely horrible mother. Would a good mother tell their newborn miracle that they need a break from them? Probably not. Don't get me wrong, I feel blessed to be able to spend time with Ryan but on days (and nights) that he requires a bottle every 60-90 minutes I begin to feel a bit trapped. My entire life revolves around bottles and diapers and hot water and swaddle blankets. Some days I'm not sure if I'm really living or just surviving.
Lack of time is only part of the reason why I haven't written on my blog very much lately. I also haven't been writing because I'm not sure what to write about. I'm tired and feeling almost completely drained of energy and creativity. And besides, if I was perfectly honest with my feelings I would probably come across as sounding like a horrible monster or someone who doesn't deserve the perfect little boy that God has given us.
But the truth is.... I love Ryan and I have to remind myself that this period too shall pass. Hopefully, before I know it I'll be sleeping through the night, cutting up fish sticks for two children, and looking back on these days as fond memories. The fears and frustrations and post-partum baby blues will eventually be specks in my rear view mirror.
And so, until his little tummy gets a bit bigger I will continue to feed Ryan every 60-90 minutes and try not to fret if my house is dirty and my laundry isn't done. And, I will try to find joy in each day, even if I haven't managed to change out of my pajamas before 2:00. Because after all, this has to end at some point, right? Eventually my son will sleep through the night and my daughter will be potty trained, correct? And, I will miss the time I had at home this fall.
Then this frazzled mom is going to turn into a true crazy lady. After all, I already have the cats and the nasty dirty hair.