This week’s Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Entry:
Sometimes I trick myself into believing that I can plan for and anticipate almost any kind of situation that might arise and be able to handle it accordingly. I like to think that since I’m really detail oriented nothing will get by me. Last weekend the cosmic universe put me in my place, again.
Anyone who lives in this community knows that autumn Saturdays are for sporting the local team’s colors, regardless of your age or gender. Poor little R is no exception to this rule so before we left for the grocery store I changed her diaper and stuffed her into an appropriately colored outfit. Just as we were about to walk out the door I looked down at my bundle of joy and realized that she looked an awful lot like a little boy. My actual thoughts- “Crap, this kid looks like a boy. She’s so stinkin cute that I can’t imagine we’re going to make it back home without the entire store telling me how beautiful my baby BOY is. Ugh. Hey look….a little clip-on bow was carelessly tossed on the kitchen counter. How perfect. I’ll stick this in her hair; people will see the bow and know that I am, in fact, carrying the cutest girl ever to have been born.” It all made perfect sense to me and I was very proud of myself for being to thoughtful.
I was turning the corner by the dairy case when an elderly gentleman spotted the little green bow bouncing up and down. He came over and immediately began a fairly in-depth conversation with her. I, trying to be a little bit funny, announced “Yes, she’s a HAM.” The poor fellow immediately quieted down, looked at me in shock and proclaimed that since the child was wearing a bow he just assumed that he was talking to a little girl. It took me awhile to realize that he thought I had said “HIM”. Imagine the awkward conversation that followed as I tried to explain to the now disgruntled visitor that it was, in fact, a girl and I had said “ham” while trying to point out that she’s cute and she knows it. Yes…I looked like quite an ass.
This awkward conversation reminded me that it doesn’t matter how much you plan ahead, if you were born with your foot in your mouth it will always be hard to speak clearly.
Sigh…..
September 15, 2010
September 12, 2010
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (the working mom version)...
Everything happens for a reason; good luck trying to figure out the perfect balance.
A time to be pregnant, a time to work at shedding the baby weight;
A time to fix a real meal, a time to throw a frozen pizza in the oven;
A time to cry in frustration, a time to laugh with joy;
A time to keep everything organized, a time to just not care;
A time to stay up with a sick or grumpy child, a time to rest;
A time to clean, a time to live in filth so you can spend more time with your baby;
A time to go to work, a time to take a sick day and stay home to sleep;
A time to clean the snot off, a time to let it stick to her face;
A time to hold her up, a time to let her fall and bonk her head;
A time to use cheap diapers, a time to spend the extra money and buy some that you trust;
A time to dress her in a cute outfit, a time to let daddy pick the outfit;
A time to force her to wear shoes, a time to let her go barefoot in the grass;
A time to update the baby book, a time to make a note on the calendar and write it down later;
A time to be pregnant, a time to work at shedding the baby weight;
A time to fix a real meal, a time to throw a frozen pizza in the oven;
A time to cry in frustration, a time to laugh with joy;
A time to keep everything organized, a time to just not care;
A time to stay up with a sick or grumpy child, a time to rest;
A time to clean, a time to live in filth so you can spend more time with your baby;
A time to go to work, a time to take a sick day and stay home to sleep;
A time to clean the snot off, a time to let it stick to her face;
A time to hold her up, a time to let her fall and bonk her head;
A time to use cheap diapers, a time to spend the extra money and buy some that you trust;
A time to dress her in a cute outfit, a time to let daddy pick the outfit;
A time to force her to wear shoes, a time to let her go barefoot in the grass;
A time to update the baby book, a time to make a note on the calendar and write it down later;
A time to spend the evening with her, a time to call a babysitter.
September 10, 2010
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under the Heavens.
A time to be born, a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, a time to cast away;
A time to reap, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silent, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
A time to be born, a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, a time to cast away;
A time to reap, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silent, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
September 8, 2010
My single/childless friends...
This week's entry from Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.
List the things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends...and why you love them anyways.
1. Their conversations don't start with the words, "I know this makes me a horrible mother but..."
2. Their vacations cost more than a tank of gas (there and back).
3. They actually have time to sleep in, exercise regularly and cook real meals.
4. Not only do they know what's playing at the movie theater but they can even tell you what is worth seeing.
5. Going out involves a drink and/or a fun outfit.
6. They own a fun outfit.
7. They can tell you what the sermon was about last Sunday.
8. Their facebook picture albums are titled "Chicago July 10" and "Fun things I did last weekend" instead of "spring/summer 2010".
9. They don't get up at the butt crack of dawn to wash bottles, fold laundry and get tonight's meal into the crockpot.
10. They remember what they did yesterday and can tell you exactly what they will be doing tomorrow.
We might not have as much in common but I still love them...especially because they think it's fun to buy stuff for the baby.
List the things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends...and why you love them anyways.
1. Their conversations don't start with the words, "I know this makes me a horrible mother but..."
2. Their vacations cost more than a tank of gas (there and back).
3. They actually have time to sleep in, exercise regularly and cook real meals.
4. Not only do they know what's playing at the movie theater but they can even tell you what is worth seeing.
5. Going out involves a drink and/or a fun outfit.
6. They own a fun outfit.
7. They can tell you what the sermon was about last Sunday.
8. Their facebook picture albums are titled "Chicago July 10" and "Fun things I did last weekend" instead of "spring/summer 2010".
9. They don't get up at the butt crack of dawn to wash bottles, fold laundry and get tonight's meal into the crockpot.
10. They remember what they did yesterday and can tell you exactly what they will be doing tomorrow.
We might not have as much in common but I still love them...especially because they think it's fun to buy stuff for the baby.
September 7, 2010
Mom zombie...
Jake loves zombie movies and I have to admit that ever since I met him I too have developed an odd taste for them. The overly dramatic gore and ridiculous scripts make me laugh every time, regardless of whether or not they are supposed to be funny. It occurred to me this morning that perhaps the real reason why I’m beginning to like them is because they remind me so much of… well…me.
Zombies and new(ish) mothers actually have a lot in common. We’re both dead tired and would do anything for a quick meal. Plus, we walk around in a daze and find ourselves in strange locations without being able explain how we got there. In fact, really the only difference between a zombie and myself is that zombies chase people to kill or maim them but I chase R to prevent her from being killed or maimed. And man can that kid move.
Some of my loyal readers (thanks guys) may remember that about a month ago I wrote about being sick. Guess what…I’m still sick and now I’m also losing my voice. I am convinced that if I could just sleep for a few extra hours, eat a decent meal and get in a good heart healthy dose of exercise I would feel much better. I know better though. I know that’s not going to happen. So, instead I will stick my arms out, moan like an old lady and hope no one runs in fear when they see me coming.
Zombies and new(ish) mothers actually have a lot in common. We’re both dead tired and would do anything for a quick meal. Plus, we walk around in a daze and find ourselves in strange locations without being able explain how we got there. In fact, really the only difference between a zombie and myself is that zombies chase people to kill or maim them but I chase R to prevent her from being killed or maimed. And man can that kid move.
Some of my loyal readers (thanks guys) may remember that about a month ago I wrote about being sick. Guess what…I’m still sick and now I’m also losing my voice. I am convinced that if I could just sleep for a few extra hours, eat a decent meal and get in a good heart healthy dose of exercise I would feel much better. I know better though. I know that’s not going to happen. So, instead I will stick my arms out, moan like an old lady and hope no one runs in fear when they see me coming.
September 2, 2010
Words of wisdom...
My life really wouldn't be that different (I don't think) if I was given a chance to do it again. There are, however, a few small things I would tweak if given the chance.
To my 16-year-old self:
Don't quit piano lessons. All of your friends are going to give senior recitals and you're really going to regret not being up there with them. Plus, deep down you enjoy playing and will miss it.
Don't buy the purple dress for your junior prom. Trust me.
Don't buy the "silver" dress for your senior prom. Seriously, trust me.
Contrary to what you claim (in a childish rant aimed at your business teacher), you DO need to learn how to use a computer, type and run a 10-key keypad. Also, the Internet isn't going away. Learn what a search engine is.
Take chemistry in high school. Otherwise, you're going to waste an entire summer in college sitting in a smelly classroom with a broken air conditioner.
While you're at it, take Advanced Literature too.
Get a job you bum.
Red is not your color. Keep it out of your hair and off your lips.
Don't train for volleyball by jumping rope on cement. Duh, you should know better.
Seriously, the purple dress, don't do it.
To my 16-year-old self:
Don't quit piano lessons. All of your friends are going to give senior recitals and you're really going to regret not being up there with them. Plus, deep down you enjoy playing and will miss it.
Don't buy the purple dress for your junior prom. Trust me.
Don't buy the "silver" dress for your senior prom. Seriously, trust me.
Contrary to what you claim (in a childish rant aimed at your business teacher), you DO need to learn how to use a computer, type and run a 10-key keypad. Also, the Internet isn't going away. Learn what a search engine is.
Take chemistry in high school. Otherwise, you're going to waste an entire summer in college sitting in a smelly classroom with a broken air conditioner.
While you're at it, take Advanced Literature too.
Get a job you bum.
Red is not your color. Keep it out of your hair and off your lips.
Don't train for volleyball by jumping rope on cement. Duh, you should know better.
Seriously, the purple dress, don't do it.
September 1, 2010
If i could save time in a bottle...
I'm catching onto how stressful this parenting thing is pretty quickly. This morning was so crazy that not only did I forget to pack my lunch but I'm also pretty sure I left a half-eaten banana sitting on the couch. I can't wait to smell that one later.
What did I do with my time before we had a baby?
Before:
Got up in the morning and leisurely got ready for work, showed up 20 minutes early fully dressed, wearing makeup and a smile.
Now:
Get up and work my tail off before the child wakes up, get ready for work and, if it's a good day, put on some makeup and pray that my clothes match and show up for work just in time to hear the 8:00 whistle blow (if it's a good day).
Before:
Came home, exercised, ate dinner, sat on the couch, fell asleep watching TV and went to bed
Now:
Come home, try desperately to get my clothes changed before the child starts screaming for supper, eat something from the cupboard in passing, spend a good portion of the evening chasing after a very inquisitive child, participate in the "putting to bed" fight (and win), work on my to-do list and sit down just in time to watch the 10:30 episode of Seinfeld.
Before:
Woke up on Saturday morning around 9:30 and lounged around for awhile before doing some cleaning and laundry, finished my work around 2:00, and waited for Jake to come home from studying so we could catch dinner and a movie.
Now:
Wake up at the same God awful early-bird time I always do, clean like mad so that Jake can watch Rachel before he leaves to go study for the day, spend the rest of the day wondering where my sanity is and fall into bed around midnight, starving because I haven't eaten a meal since lunch on Friday.
Before:
Put up stockings for the cats so that Santa Cat would bring them something nice.
Now:
Look forward to spending my favorite time of the year (except for football season of course) with my favorite little gal.
What did I do with my time before we had a baby?
Before:
Got up in the morning and leisurely got ready for work, showed up 20 minutes early fully dressed, wearing makeup and a smile.
Now:
Get up and work my tail off before the child wakes up, get ready for work and, if it's a good day, put on some makeup and pray that my clothes match and show up for work just in time to hear the 8:00 whistle blow (if it's a good day).
Before:
Came home, exercised, ate dinner, sat on the couch, fell asleep watching TV and went to bed
Now:
Come home, try desperately to get my clothes changed before the child starts screaming for supper, eat something from the cupboard in passing, spend a good portion of the evening chasing after a very inquisitive child, participate in the "putting to bed" fight (and win), work on my to-do list and sit down just in time to watch the 10:30 episode of Seinfeld.
Before:
Woke up on Saturday morning around 9:30 and lounged around for awhile before doing some cleaning and laundry, finished my work around 2:00, and waited for Jake to come home from studying so we could catch dinner and a movie.
Now:
Wake up at the same God awful early-bird time I always do, clean like mad so that Jake can watch Rachel before he leaves to go study for the day, spend the rest of the day wondering where my sanity is and fall into bed around midnight, starving because I haven't eaten a meal since lunch on Friday.
Before:
Put up stockings for the cats so that Santa Cat would bring them something nice.
Now:
Look forward to spending my favorite time of the year (except for football season of course) with my favorite little gal.
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