Proper foot care...

This week’s Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Entry:

Sometimes I trick myself into believing that I can plan for and anticipate almost any kind of situation that might arise and be able to handle it accordingly. I like to think that since I’m really detail oriented nothing will get by me. Last weekend the cosmic universe put me in my place, again.

Anyone who lives in this community knows that autumn Saturdays are for sporting the local team’s colors, regardless of your age or gender. Poor little R is no exception to this rule so before we left for the grocery store I changed her diaper and stuffed her into an appropriately colored outfit. Just as we were about to walk out the door I looked down at my bundle of joy and realized that she looked an awful lot like a little boy. My actual thoughts- “Crap, this kid looks like a boy. She’s so stinkin cute that I can’t imagine we’re going to make it back home without the entire store telling me how beautiful my baby BOY is. Ugh. Hey look….a little clip-on bow was carelessly tossed on the kitchen counter. How perfect. I’ll stick this in her hair; people will see the bow and know that I am, in fact, carrying the cutest girl ever to have been born.” It all made perfect sense to me and I was very proud of myself for being to thoughtful.

I was turning the corner by the dairy case when an elderly gentleman spotted the little green bow bouncing up and down. He came over and immediately began a fairly in-depth conversation with her. I, trying to be a little bit funny, announced “Yes, she’s a HAM.” The poor fellow immediately quieted down, looked at me in shock and proclaimed that since the child was wearing a bow he just assumed that he was talking to a little girl. It took me awhile to realize that he thought I had said “HIM”. Imagine the awkward conversation that followed as I tried to explain to the now disgruntled visitor that it was, in fact, a girl and I had said “ham” while trying to point out that she’s cute and she knows it. Yes…I looked like quite an ass.

This awkward conversation reminded me that it doesn’t matter how much you plan ahead, if you were born with your foot in your mouth it will always be hard to speak clearly.

Sigh…..