September 20, 2010

Rainbows and unicorns...

I have been trying to avoid writing about three certain topics for several reasons. First, I’m not sure if I want to be held accountable or if I just want to vent. Secondly, I’m not sure what to say. And finally, I’m afraid no one will care and I’ll lose my small (but very loyal) fan base. However, I can’t put it off any longer…

Guilt is eating me alive. I feel guilty about everything…not cooking enough meals or having my weekly menus planned, piles of laundry that seem to appear in every room of the house, missing obvious “parental must-do’s and must-haves”, weeds in my flower beds…you name it and I feel guilty for not having it, doing it or addressing it. I compare myself to other mothers and bloggers and tell myself, “If they can do it, so can I.” I figure that the time will finally come when this mind set gives way to a more rational thought process but until then….I’ll eat my guilt with a side of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Perhaps I should have mentioned earlier that another thing I feel guilty about is my weight. I’ve been using the “I have a newborn” excuse for entirely too long. My child is no longer a newborn and winter is coming and I have nothing to wear. I want to fit back into my pants and be a hot mom but I also want to eat, and more often than not that means grabbing a bag of chips to munch on while I keep my child from climbing the stairs or sitting on the cat. I have good intentions but I also have a distorted hope that my body will feel bad for me and decide to drop the pounds out of sheer sympathy. That alone should be enough to get someone committed.

And lastly, I don’t want to blog about why I blog. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and last week I even had a chance to write about it as part of Mama Kat’s weekly writer’s workshop but I avoided the topic like it was a dead skunk. I like to tell myself that I blog as a journal to myself and happy unicorns and rainbows and nice things blah blah blah….The truth is, I think I blog because I want to be one of those famous bloggers. Am I self-centered, craving attention or just bored? Hmmm…that’s a tough one.


  1. We all blog because we secretly or not so secretly want to be the "IT" bloggers. People will just know us. And it's your blog so you're allowed to be self centered, that's the beauty of blogging ;)

    P.S. I'm E and I'm just stopping by from SITS!

  2. I totally laughed at this b/c you expressed exactly what I think too.

    "I have good intentions but I also have a distorted hope that my body will feel bad for me and decide to drop the pounds out of sheer sympathy."

    I wish our bodies would get on board with this idea!!!

  3. Ok--you do not know me from Adam or Eve but I think that you occasionally read my friend's blog The Professional Mother--that is how I found you--and I just wanted to tell you I enjoy reading your blog, you are an excellant, entertaining writer who conveys what many working mommys feel, experience, live I hope you do become a famous blogger! Also I just wanted to say I can totally relate to this entry and laughed out loud at your weight loss discussion!

  4. Atty- I don't know if you'll come back and see this, but THANK YOU for your comment. It almost made me cry.... it's so sweet of you to be so kind and I'm glad that you enjoy reading my blog and can relate to it. Feel free to come back anytime!

  5. You are soooo not alone! Hang in there. the damn weight issue is pressing on all of us. I finally took drastic measures and went to see a doctor who would hold me accountable. I did not blog about it because I was afraid I would fail - as usual. This time, however, I lost weight. I'm down 15 lbs. I had to go to drastic measures though and it took me a long time to get up the energy to give up food and wine. Take your time and do it when you are comfortable. And yes, Ft Worth Atty and I admire you and your blog. There's a pretty good chance you will become famous, because, frankly, we have great taste!

  6. P.S. It is so funny that she posted because we were just talking about you Monday night!

  7. So THAT's why my nose itched so bad on Monday night (someone was talking about me). :)

    Seriously though....thanks for visiting and leaving such nice comments. I love snooping on your blog. :) As far as I'm concerned, me accidentaly typing in your blog address was actually quite genious.