August 15, 2012

Update on Ryan...

I made it through our first week in the NICU in one piece. I also made it through the first week of the baby blues in one piece.

I call that a win.

Ryan is doing very well. In fact, he is doing so well that he might get to go home this weekend!

And now it is time for me to panic.

I am excited about taking my son home from the hospital, but there is just one problem.... I'm terrified of him. Perhaps more specifically, I'm terrified of being alone with him. I don't know how to take care of a boy. I don't know how to take care of a preemie. And, I certainly don't know how to take care of a preemie boy who has just learned how to breathe on his own.

Last week I struggled with balancing baby blues with the guilt I felt for not being able to be with both of my children at the same time. This week I find myself struggling with fear and the stress every mother feels when they take home a newborn.

And so, I must remind myself that the only way to get through this is with prayer.... lots and lots of prayer.

And when my pain meds finally run out I might change that to lots of prayer and a tiny bit of wine.

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