Today is one of those days....you know the type... I can't seem to shake a horrible feeling of guilt because I know that my daughter sees our babysitter more than she sees me. I hate these days. I usually have some guilt eating at my soul (like I've said before, you name it and I probably feel guilty for not doing it, thinking it, or even knowing what it is) but today the guilt is just a little bit harder to carry.
The other day, out of concern that I was missing some sort of pivotal piece of information on raising a child, I got out one of the many (worthless) parenting books that Jake and I bought and sure enough....my hunch was correct....I'm a horrible mom (or so I feel). Okay, so maybe I'm not horrible, after all, I can't possibly be the worst one (the same thought process is also applied to doctor's visits and annual pelvic exams), but still, I can't help but wonder how one person can possibly miss so many cues. Duh...she's not eating well because she's ready to be moved up to less squishy food. And those "words" she says like momma, dadda and grandpa...she's actually SAYING those, she's not just spouting off a string of consonants and vowels anymore. And teeth...more of those are on their way.
This past weekend I finally found the nerve to put away her 6-months clothes and I actually found some newborn stuff that I had obviously resisted packing earlier (yes, they're in storage now; I put on my big girl pants, grabbed a box of kleenexes and shut the lid on the storage container). We just took her 9-month bear picture and we're already making plans for her big one-year birthday party. Really? When did all this happen? Where did all the time go? And, why is this little girl choosing to crawl to Jane (our amazingly wonderful babysitter) instead of me? Ouch.
Oh well....I do know one thing...I know this winter is going to be difficult. She already refuses to wear socks and knows how to yank shoes off. Oh child.....sigh.....