Parenting 101...

I am a list maker. I can’t function without them. If I couldn’t make lists my house would never get cleaned, bills would never get paid and our cupboards would be empty. Lists keep me from losing my sanity and help put things into perspective. So, today’s entry is another list because I feel like I need one. I hope my two readers don’t mind (thank you whoever you are).

What the parenting classes we wasted our money on didn’t tell us…

1. Kids grow fast. Yes, we’ve been told this by just about everyone we know but what they didn’t tell us was that they’re not kidding. Yesterday, while holding a crying 7-month-old baby I felt like I was comforting a three-year-old child.

2. Parents become boring and uncool almost immediately. I was anticipating this to be a problem about 13 years from now. We think we’re still pretty cool but Rachel is only mildly amused by us old folks.

3. Toys are stupid. Don’t buy them unless they make noise or can be easily sucked on. Otherwise, an unused remote and a slow moving cat are really all that you need.

4. Get to church on time. We’ve been late a few times and the later we were the further up we got seated. This also happened to correspond with the amount of bouncing that Rachel felt was necessary during the service.

5. Always have a toy on hand when changing diapers. I was under the impression that you only need a clean safe surface and a diaper and wipes to get the job done. Not true. You should also have a toy or something else to distract the child.

6. Take advice from zoos. Children, like bears, should have signs requesting that visitors not feed them.

7. Don’t run out of dishwasher soap. You should never waste precious evening or weekend time hand washing dishes when you could be hanging out with your children (see #1).

8. Splurge a little and use salon-grade shampoo (this advice was given to me by a good friend). Showering could be your only time to relax and might be the closest you’ll get to a vacation for a long time.

9. Applesauce can be mixed with anything.

10. Children have amazing eyesight, long arms and the determination to succeed.


So, new and aspiring parents here is my advice….don’t waste your money on stupid classes or unnecessary books. Talk to your doctor and friends, listen to your labor & delivery and mother/baby unit nurses and buy a doll so daddy can learn how to change diapers.